Tag: self compassion

The anxiety of a racing mind and worried heart is not wrong. Maybe it is something you believe is wrong?

Anxiety Situation

Imagine you have a big presentation, an event or a speech in a few hours.

Maybe there are many “what-if’s” that begin to enter your mind.

Your imagination starts to take over and your heart is beating faster, trembling of nerves tense your body. You can’t think normally with clear thoughts.

You feel like you have already lost the confidence to do your best.

Trying so desperately to win a self made validation that isn’t real.

The misleading prize is assurance that the outcome will be what you want.

What if the outcome does not happen or questions arise about the possibilities that might prevent it from happening,? Worry and concern creep into the moment.

It is something we have all experienced in our life.

Anxiety and worry is nothing to be ashamed of.

It is part of our survival makeup.

Anxiety is something that becomes a constant background noise that is learned to cope with. It is not comfortable or enjoyable. It becomes something that is hard to turn off.

How can you accept worry and concern when it disrupts clarity of  how you would like to function in the moment?

There are ways to reduce the intensity, (possibly turn it off) to trust in who you are and what you are doing again.

First step is to stop, take a step back. Reassess the situation. Acknowledge the worry and question with curiosity the purpose of the worry and what can be done to alleviate the worry right now.

Breathe. Take deep, controlled breaths. Place your focus on the breath as you inhale and exhale. Pausing to hold between inhale and exhale.

Count to 10 slowly, and when you reach 10, say to yourself, “I am safe.” “I will be okay.”

Assure yourself you will get through this experience, and place gratitude that you are alive and get to have this experience.

Create a new meaning of failure. Whatever the outcome is, respect the things that make it successful regardless what the result is.

Releasing the shame surrounding anxiety is an available choice. The decision to let go of the idea, “I’m not good enough” because of experiencing anxiety or worry is powerful transformational acceptance.

Reframing the approach to a situation and acknowledging the present moment means you have already won the prize.

Unhappiness turns into depression

The moment when prolonged thoughts of unhappiness turn into coping with depression.

What do the prolonged unhappy thoughts feel like?

They feel dark. They feel painful. The feel suffocating. They drain energy from within.

Major life events can be the trigger of these thoughts. When the thoughts are created they project an emotion of helplessness, hopelessness that accompanies the thought.

This is the pivotal point when a decision is made to attach to the emotion of what is being experienced.

Over time a pattern of thought and emotional connection continue when it is triggered.

The warning signs may show being tired frequently, not having a restful sleep, sad, loss of interest in life, withdrawn and isolated.

Constantly “going through the motions” each day. Walking around numb to experiences and emotions.

Frequently feeling stuck with limited options. Everything just seems so difficult.

The belief forms, “I can’t.”

Every effort seems like a GIANT step.

Suffering in silence is then chosen as the best option. There is shame and guilt for feeling like this, being this way.

The Role Of Presence

Presence plays a major role in navigating through depression.

Taking the time to process feelings and emotions. One way to allow this process to take place is through self compassion. This will help to relieve the shame and guilt.

Daily habits contribute to the thoughts and emotions. Are the chosen daily habits serving or fueling the state of depression?

Self care is crucial to aid in producing energy, calming, and giving self comfort during the healing process.

Depression is a form of disconnection. A belief that there is minimal possibility or choice to transform what is being experienced.

The shift happens when the power to change is acknowledged within yourself.

Therefore, connection is important to begin facilitating hope, faith, trust and possibility.

Implementing ways to connect with self and others.

Are there support groups or communities that have people experiencing similar things?

Can you connect with them to share in the experience? This will help to connect back in life.

The choice is eventually made, it doesn’t have to be done alone.

Unhappy thought patterns are slowly converted into outlooks and perspectives that offer love, hope, possibility.

Clearing the way for thoughts of being in the presence of compassionate, mindful and inspired living.

 

What makes it so hard to let go of hurt, pain, loss?

I have found it is the fear of how much of suffering will have to be endured until it goes away.

The thought of what has been impacted by the pain.

The constant attachment to the thoughts and emotions that continue to be a reminder of each experience.

When the choice is made to hold onto what is causing the fear, instantly choices become limited.

There is a meaning that has been attached to what is feared. The fear has become the focus of reality and all the decisions being made are based around the fear.

Letting go becomes a process. Going through the process of letting go requires presence.

There is a realization that there is no need to avoid what is desired to be let go of.

The internal process starts with awareness. Being aware of what is triggering the fear, and what the actual fear is.

Next is to acknowledge that the fear exists and what is being created by the fear.

Finally, it is accepting that you have a fear of what is being experienced. You are experiencing it in the moment, and that’s okay.

This gives the opportunity to shift perspective and it opens the possibility for choice.

Needing to express what needs to be expressed. The opportunity opens up for self compassion, forgiveness, gratitude.

This helps to form beliefs that attract focus for what is desired rather than what is being created by the fears.

Where would you like to be placing your focus?

Letting go becomes more about trust and belief in something greater than the fear that is being held onto. -Kristin Sven Larsen

 

Accept

Struggle is something that can’t be avoided at certain times in life. 

There are two choices that can be made when struggle appears.

It can be accepted or avoided.

Accepting the moment of struggle means seeing it as it actually is in the moment. That could be subjective, but what it really means is to accept what is being experienced in the moment.

Once resistance is chosen as the actionable thought, the struggle continues to evolve.

Avoiding can take the form of denial, repressing or blame.

Imagine avoiding who you are being, who someonelse is being, or what the situation is in the moment?

What is being created by avoiding?

Permission for irresponsibility and disregard for choice.

Accepting of “what is” in the moment gives permission for accountability and allows for personal ownership of the experience.

Accepting the moment filters down to fear. A subconscious thought may be, “if I avoid, repress or deny what is being experienced I will stay out of feeling hopeless and helpless.”

This may work for a brief time, then the resistance and struggle compiles.

You cannot change what you do not accept.

It doesn’t mean you have to like what you are accepting. That is when the power of choice is is presented. 

Acceptance can turn into action. You can lead yourself to be in charge of the choices.

It is not about giving up and quitting. 

In that moment, accept the experience for what it is without the need to blame or avoid no matter what the fear may be.

Acceptance shifts the experience. It opens the door to welcome new ways of being.

New ways of being create opportunities and possibilities. 

Acceptance can be thought of as a mirror reflection of what’s possible.

  • Frustration – Satisfied
  • Irritable – Patient
  • Anger – Calm
  • Mistake – Learning

A realization needs to develop through the choices of accepting what is happening. It makes it easier to accept the fears that are being avoided because accountability is formed from being present in the moment.

 

Photo Credit: Jeremy Yap