Kristin Larsen

Underneath The Measurements Of Our Experiences

How do we measure our everyday experiences?

Where do the measurements start?

Truly, what is underneath the measurement of our experiences?

Judgement

Our judgement begins with an evaluation, was it a good or bad experience?

We search for supporting evidence of what made it a good or bad experience. Our logic determines justification of why it was a good or bad experience.

There are an array of perceptive factors that categorize the experience into labeling it good or bad.

Isn’t it interesting, how we perceive an experience as good or bad, may not be the same perception as someone who views the same experience.

How does our connection to the judgement affect our feelings towards what made the experience good or bad?

The judgement expands into other areas of strict evaluation.

Self Criticism

The measurement intensifies with self evaluation. Harsh questions that require an answer, did I do enough?

When the questions arrive at a “why” question, the measurements become painfully clear. Why didn’t I do more?

Statements such as, “I should have…..” move the evaluation closer to where the measurements of the experience fit into perception.

However, the measurement evaluations move further from logic to have a true assessment of the experience.

Success or Failure

The choice to observe and reflect on the results is naturally common. It may seem like the clearest form of evaluation. Did the results correlate with the plan?

If all or at least some of the plan was executed there can be an allowance of measurement of success. If the outcome wasn’t exactly or no corresponding desired result, it is deemed a failure.

There is slight tolerance for objectively deciding on the outcome evaluation.

Comparison

One of the least accurate ways that measure our experiences is through the comparison method. “My experience is different than another person’s experience for the same outcome I want.”

The meaning from that comparison forms a story which influences the evaluation of the experience and a measurement is produced.

Logic and reasoning has been abandoned in this process of evaluation. The measurement intensifies to include personal evaluation of self through the lens of doubt and self worth. Unrealistic expectations start to form that are not congruent with where we are at in our experiential process.

Most likely, the experience is concluded to be, a failure internally and externally.

A question that gets overlooked is, what is influencing the comparison?

Another Standard of Measurement

If there are outcome-related measuring systems we can apply to our experiences, might there also be a different standard of measuring our experiences?

Can measurements of our experiences be more expansive than the external evaluation of results?

What if the depth of our measurements could also reflect the depth of our inner leadership?

Some example measurements might be reflecting on our embodiment of intentions, integrity, resilience, compassion, trust, resourcefulness, adapting, determination, presence.

Reflective Inner Leadership Measurements

How, and in what ways was I being true to my intentions in the experience?

How was I making my integrity an important aspect of the experience?

How was my resilience impacting the efforts in my experience?

How did my efforts impact my determination?

How did compassion contribute to the outcome of my experience, and overall?

How was trust present throughout the experience?

How was my resourcefulness sourced and used throughout the experience?
What allowed me to adapt throughout the experience?

In what moments was I present in my experience?

In those moments of presence, what is my true measurement of my experience?

If inner leadership were used as a standard measurement, the outcome would always be a success.

Expanding The Inner Capacity For Unease

Many meanings could be derived from the word “unease.” A few meanings that come to my mind when I think of unease are stress, tension, struggle, and discomfort. I have thought about how someone is capable of expanding the inner capacity for unease in the moment.

As I reflect on my own experiences, I acknowledge one area of focus which helps reduce unease. It is the nourishing actions that can be taken to navigate the stresses in the experiences. The other invitation is to expand the inner capacity to be with the unease.

What could expanding the inner capacity to be with unease mean?

Staying Stuck in the Unease

In that state of frustration, helplessness, powerlessness, it is not reasonable to imagine or see the possibility to have the capacity to be with unease. It can be extremely uncomfortable. It might feel like something must be wrong. A strong-willed judgement about what is being experienced.

An inner subconscious voice says it is something that must be solved. There are steps that must be taken to relieve the suffering as if resembling some sort of systematic equation.

It feels like there is relief when a result is produced. It could be a desired outcome, remembering when a desired outcome happened, feeling belief in something, feeling accepted by others, feeling connection with others, the ideation of being right, honoring one’s own values. *

Getting Unstuck From the Unease

Something that remains constant in the discomfort of unease is choice. The ego wants to have input towards if the choice will be legitimately helpful or safe to move away from unease.

What can be helpful in transforming a disempowering experience into an empowering experience is dedicating focus to habits and behavior.

Taking the time to understand what habits support being with unease and navigating in it’s space. Some habits may include practicing self compassion, meditating, praying, slowing down to be in silence, journaling, exercise, yoga, or simply getting outside in nature.

Creating awareness for behaviors that nurture the evolution of healing and empowerment. Authentic self expression that enables acceptance for vulnerability. Having accountability for the intentions being lived into. Allowing trust to encompass being within the experience.

Being With The Unease In Grace

The discomfort is setting in. I am feeling helpless. I am not seeing choices. I am feeling the stress of this experience. I notice my breathing speeding up. My awareness offers a choice that I now see. I place my focus on my breath. I take a moment to slow it down. Giving my attention to deep inhales and exhales. My awareness is expanding. I notice the tension in my body. With each exhale, I give myself permission to release the tension from my body. In this release I give myself compassion. This is a moment of struggle. May I give myself love and understanding right now. I will let this be ok, I will be ok.

As I surrender to this moment I feel a sense of peace. I am at peace. Possibility enters my vision. Gently, I ask myself what I need right now.

Subtly, I realize I am now with the unease in a greater capacity.

Awareness awakens the possibility to surrender in the moment. The invitation to kindly ask “what is available to give to self.”

*Information referenced from National Library of Medicine, (article) The Unease Modulation Model: An Experiential Model of Stress With Implications for Health, Stress Management, and Public Policy, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6567485/

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